I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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