I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
