I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
