you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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