i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
