I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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