can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
