Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
