I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
