I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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