Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
