you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
