You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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