OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
