I puked a lego.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
