so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
