i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
