You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
