Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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