Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
