Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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