I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
