I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
