Kareoke will never be a sober sport
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
