He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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