I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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