The maid of honor just puked.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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