i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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