I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
