Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
