There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize