I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
