u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
