Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize