I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You dont lie about slip and slides
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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