what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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