you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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