I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
