She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
