I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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