That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
