I'm sorry my penis didn't work
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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