He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
