Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize