i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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