$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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