I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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