did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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