Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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