the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
