i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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