the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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