hotel room ftw
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Randomize
