If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
