just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
