I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
if i died would you start the facebook group?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
