You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
