Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
