NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Dick very happy bro
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