I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
