you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
