she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Randomize
