so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
