WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
