I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
