You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
