I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I enjoy the company of your penis
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
