Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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