so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
