Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
